ignorance
The letter I would’ve accepted
In light of recent incidents at my school, Duke University, and the “apology letter” that came out in the Chronicle, I decided to not accept the apology of the student who hung a noose on my campus and instead give an example of the letter I would’ve accepted.
Hello,
My name is [Actual non-anonymous name] and I am the student that hung the noose on the BC plaza on April 1st. When I did it I was with friends, and without thought of the hurtful connotations of a noose to other communities on campus, I hung it, took a picture and texted my friends to come “hang out with us.” I irresponsibly left the noose hanging from the tree before I left. I now regret this decision and more clearly understand how hurtful this noose was to my peers. I apologize for any hurt I’ve caused, any pain I’ve dredged up, and for not understanding at the time the racial implications of a noose.
While my actions and carelessness are not excusable, I am taking steps towards educating myself about what the noose represents to the black community. A book I am currently reading called [Book Title] has allowed me to more clearly understand the weight of my negligence. I know though I will never fully comprehend what my actions meant to those who were more personally affected by this incident.
Again I apologize and take full responsibility for my actions and the pain I have caused. I hope I can learn and grow from this and that Duke can as well. And I hope that we can see that although our actions may not have bad intentions, they have real consequences. Unfortunately, the consequence of my actions was hurting students at my school who did not deserve to be reminded of all the wrongdoings inflicted upon them, their families, and those that make up their history.
With the sincerest of hearts,
[Actual non-anonymous name here]
When you give an apology, you don’t talk about yourself, you don’t talk about how your life has been affected because that choice was yours the moment you chose to do whatever you did to warrant an apology. You don’t use your intentions as an excuse and you don’t use your ignorance as an excuse. You DO take responsibility for your actions. You DO express regret. And you DO make a commitment to change and grow. Doing these things is not admitting you had malicious intent, but it is doing the mature thing and not placing your comfort in front of the people’s you hurt. Making this sort of apology isn’t labeling yourself as a bad person, but merely someone who will be accountable for the pain they have caused.
As far as the guy who did this, I don’t hate him. He probably didn’t understand what he did…but that doesn’t excuse his actions. Whether you want to call it racist or not, it’s not okay. Every time we excuse actions that aren’t “really racist” or that “didn’t mean to offend”, we are glossing over someone’s real lived experiences. We are glossing over someone’s hurt. I’m sure it wasn’t meant to offend when someone said a joke straight to my face about black kids not growing up with fathers. I’m sure it isn’t meant to offend when 80% of the images I see of black people on TV are silly goons and sidekicks ,unbelievably strong black women, or thugs and gangsters.
Malicious racism is over. Let that notion go. You can’t say “black people are lazy” or “all Chinese people are smart” without getting called out by someone. And you certainly can’t call someone a racial slur and not be shunned by society. I honestly don’t even care if you call it racism because racism is so prevalent in our society that it’s literally just how we live. It’s the way we ignore that blacks were discriminated against when it came to housing and that most families wealth comes from real estate. It’s in the way that when we think genocide, we think holocaust before we ever question what we did to the Native Americans. It’s in the way that a white man can go to jail three times and still be more likely to get a job than a black man with three degrees. No one is going through those resumes and saying “sounds like a black guy, nope”. So get out of your head that racism is malicious and intentional. This kid’s actions may not have been malicious or intentional, but I still don’t fucking care.
Beyond this student owing an apology, our administration owes us an apology. Firstly, because they let this student publish that letter. Second, because of the poor handling, especially at the hands of our President, to respond to the issues black students have faced this year in a timely and sensitive manner. Thirdly, the fact that the university has feigned empathy and concern only to then let student grievances silently drift away when there is no more pressure.
We don’t pay Duke, break our backs for Duke, and give credit to Duke so that we can teach them! When it’s us, versus a university that won’t support us, our non-black peers are left questioning who to believe. The black kids screaming “racism” and “oppression” like it’s a game, or the administration we trusted to guide us towards a critical frame of thinking and empathy? We can’t win. Noose kid doesn’t owe me an apology as much as the administration. I don’t give him a pass for his actions, but you can’t know what you don’t know. Well Duke should know, Duke should know better. While I’ve been trying to stay out of all this while abroad, it truly became evident to me that Duke really didn’t give a damn about what that noose meant when they let that student release that letter. Shame on them for letting him take all the blame for this incident. Shame on them for making students feel yet again unheard, and unworthy of any insightful consideration of our experience.
I started talking about the apology I would accept from this student, but really the apology I need is from Duke. Please… please do better.
walking at night. 